Don't Rely on Support from Negative People

Are you wasting your time sharing your plans?

Are you wasting your time sharing your plans?

If you tell someone your hopes or some new path you want to take, and they come back with a jerk of the knee to explain the negative they assume you hadn’t considered, or they only tell you the problems, not even bothering to share in the joy or potential and actual successes, you should stop sharing with that person.

We all need a dose of reality at times. But what we don’t need is people who, consciously or unconsciously, only point out the cloud in your silver lining. And sometimes, damn it, it takes stumbling forward with clumsy naiveté to cut a new trail.

Don’t let yourself be your own nay-sayer either. I hate telling this story, but I think it’s useful.

I loved my dad, but his negativity frustrated the hell out of me. I once told him I wanted to be a pilot. “You need a lot of math for that,” he said. Just a roadblock, no joy for the challenge. No, “That would be cool.” (I got my pilot’s license and it was damn cool)

When he was around 55, my dad told me he wanted to paint and draw again. In the early 60s, he had gone to school to become a commercial artist. But he met people who were far better than him so he quit, thinking he’d never be that good. When he told me that story, I felt awful for him. We shouldn’t compare ourselves to others based on their current skill level. But more on that later. I got excited for my dad, and the opportunity to share his rediscovery. So I bought him drawing pads, pencils, erasers, canvases, and paints. He spent the next several years talking himself out of doing anything with them. He worried nothing would turn out good.

He’s right. It wouldn’t. But the next one might. People don’t drop into the world as masters. You just weren’t there to see them work their ass off for their excellence. Sure some people figure stuff out faster, but you’ll find many times someone’s “talent” is actually a lot of hard work. Look to people like that not as yardsticks for your failures, but as an aspiration for your successes.

In the words of Neil Peart from RUSH:
Got my sights on the stars
Won’t get that far
But I’ll try anyway

The more you struggle with your own feelings about your skill level, the less you should tolerate the negativity. Shove it away. Either stop telling people your plans or find new people to tell.

And if it’s you telling yourself your plans are foolish, tell yourself to shut up. Get to work on learning the skills you need to accomplish what you want. One piece at a time. Don’t think about the whole challenge at once. Take the first step.

Will you fail? Maybe. But not trying IS failing.